Are you so busy keeping up with your schedule that you are missing the moments that really matter? Have you become to think of parenting as a pain? Do you ask yourself, “What is up with my kid(s)?”
Being a parent is a gift. If it does not feel like it, take a moment to access your life.
The other night I had one of those magical evenings. You know, the ones that just make you smile. Those moments that you carry in your heart forever. This evening came about because I made a change and paid attention to what mattered. I made the decision to be a mindful parent.
At the dinner table my boys were tired, they could hardly keep their eyes open. We had boy scouts to go to which they love, but I thought, “The schedule can wait. What they need now is peace and rest, not rushing out the door.” It was one of the best decisions I have made recently.
While one took a bath, I sat and read with the other boy. Then they switched places. At the end of the baths and reading we were singing a song about what a beautiful world we live in. When I tucked them into bed I knew they would sleep well. We had abandoned the schedule in exchange for a night in. They felt loved and most importantly, peaceful. They learned how to value being quiet and calm. That one night will shape their lives forever.
I hear so many parents on the playground making comments about how busy they are and how their kids are driving them crazy. It makes me so sad. Here are well-meaning parents talking about the schedules (that they choose to keep) and their kids, not realizing that they have a choice to change their lives for the better.
Truth be told, kids simply cannot handle the stress we place on them. We cannot expect our children to do what we as adults cannot do. Yet so many parents expect their kids to come to their rescue by making everything go smoothly.
If we as parents are stressed out it is up to us to make changes in our own lives. The first and most noticeable change will be to slow down the schedule. “But they love going to ____!” Yes, they may enjoy going, but does running to and fro center your child? No, in the long run it creates short attention spans and chaos. Notice the phrase “in the long run.”
The parenting habit has become so short-term. Time and time again parents are taking the easy route in the little day-to-day stuff. This may seem like no big deal, but it makes it 100 times harder in the long run.
I once had a violin student’s parent say to me, “I don’t think we are going to continue violin. I just do not want to make him do something at this age.” The boy was 6. I responded with, “What are you going to do when he is 16 and doesn’t want to do something?” The parent responded with, “Oh, he’ll know by then.”
Sorry, but if we do not give our kids a chance to develop skills such as following through, sitting quietly etc. when they are young, they will not just magically happen later on!
Some people say, “Oh kids are kids. They are wild and crazy.” That is just an excuse. Kids can sit still and be peaceful. They just have to have been presented with the opportunity to learn these skills.
Make it part of your day to provide opportunities for them to build skills. Take it in small steps. If your child cannot sit still, do not excuse it by saying, “Oh they are just a squirmy kid.” Sit with them and read a book, listen to music or observe nature. Let them know your expectations ahead of time. For example say, “We are going to sit here quietly for a few moments. I know and expect you will be able to do it. At first it might take practice, but soon it will be easy.”
You can have an easier, less stressful life! How? It takes effort and thought. It takes taking off the automatic pilot switch. Don’t just react to your kids. Don’t just follow them around. Lead.
As a parent you provide the learning environment. You set the vibe. Your children pick up on your energy and feelings. Be mindful and involved now and I guarantee you it will be less work down the road. Put your time in while they are little.
Some schools are starting to incorporate mindfulness into their school day through meditation. This brings a sense of stillness into the school day. Behavior has improved significantly, test scores have risen.
Your children reflect your life. They learn through observation. For months or years before they could talk and communicate, observation is all they had to go by. When you think, “What is up with my kid(s)?!” Stop and ask yourself, “What can I change or how can I lead as a parent.” It will make all the difference in the world. Trust me. Or better yet, trust yourself.
Cheers,
Summer Joy
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