Often the hardest things in life bring the greatest teachable moments. When our kids experience something that is hard for them, it is our opportunity as their role models to lead them.
Kids observe our every action and reaction to learn their habits. Think about it, from birth, all babies can do is watch and listen. They are the worlds greatest “experiencers”. (Yes, I know that isn’t a real word).
Children truly live in the moment. They aren’t worried about tomorrow. They are experiencing and reflecting upon the now. Part of the now is that they see how we react and begin to form their own behavior from this.
In the discipline of sociology there are hundreds of theories and concepts based upon the idea that we shape who we are based upon our experiences, our social interactions and our perceptions. I can thank my sociological background (and my parents) as to why I strive so much to create a learning experience from everything in life. It is why I strive to help my children see life as opportunities. If children see there is a chance to grow, they will take it. If they see it as a chance to become discouraged, they will take it.
It is not what happens to us in life, but how we react to it.
The other day my son was in a situation where some kids received something new and others did not. Adults started saying, “that’s not fair” in response to the kids wondering what just happened. Think of the teachable moment that just was lost! If we teach kids to respond with, “that’s not fair” we are teaching them to constantly measure in life. We are setting them up to be unhappy time and time again.
Perhaps the greatest blessing about having twins is that I have learned that to be a good mom I cannot parent “fair” if fair means equal, the same for both. If I parented my children equal, that would be a big disadvantage to both of them. For example, one son needs a stronger set of boundaries, the other works better with more freedom. One likes to be creative through piecing things together, the other likes to be creative through art. If I made them do the same things the same way to be “fair” it would be ludicrous.
When my boys first responded with “that’s not fair” to something after hearing the phrase at school I responded with, “would it be “fair” to make you practice violin as many hours a day as I do? Would it be “fair” for all of us to be drummers in this house because your dad is?”
They immediately understood.
So what can you do the next time “that’s not fair” is on the tip of your tongue or you hear your child say it? Talk about opportunities. If someone else gets something and they don’t, you can say, “Isn’t that nice that they had that opportunity. Do you remember when you had a great opportunity, something special? Tell me about it.”
This is not fluff. This is teaching. Raising healthy kids means teaching our kids to be active verses reactive.
We have all heard the stories of people who were successful after they failed. Someone in their lives taught them to see every experience in life as an opportunity, as a time to grow and to keep hope and determination alive. They did not stop and say, “that’s not fair.”
Share stories with you kids and be inspired by Michael Jordan, who was cut from his highschool basketball team after the first tryout, Henry Ford, who went bankrupt many times before getting the Model T in production, and the composer Beethoven who was told at a young age that he was not a good composer. Beethoven later went on to become one of the best composers the world has seen and then went deaf at the end of his life, yet he continued to compose!
These individuals understood life to be full of teachable moments, as moments to grow.
I will leave you with this quote from J.K. Rowling, author of the Harry Potter series. This quote is from her address to Harvard’s 2008 graduating class.
“The knowledge that you have emerged wiser and stronger from setbacks means that you are, ever after, secure in your ability to survive…You will never truly know yourself, or the strength of your relationships, until both have been tested by adversity.”
Leave A Response